A Sign of Revival

the 4th of May '08--that was the start when my life was changed, drastically i think. we were having our SPKKKabite Youth Camp and Seminar, a 2-week camp filled with studying God's Word and recreational activities among gathered youth of Cavite. At first, I wasn't at ease, thinking that i can't do whatever i wanted to do (yeah, you know it!) I had 2 absences, tuesday and wednesday, because i needed to go to school for scheduled interviews [which was cancelled, grr.]. Then I regretted the chance given to me to join the camp. But then again, Ms. Thursday came and I felt a sudden change within me, mainly because I got so implanted with God's Word. (Doctrine 2: Blood, Mission 2: Personal Evangelism, Preaching 2B: Expository Preaching, Epistles: Titus, and Counseling). Within me I have felt a sudden need of God, a feeling like i am a prisoner, a drug addict or a murderer. But when I heard those words, those verses, those prayers, i stopped and thinked: "Wow, this camp really came handy, at least for that time." I learned how to preach, to counsel and to evangelize. These activities were to reach out people in need of God and i laughed at myself and said, 'hey, i am one of those people who are in need!' The day passed that I have learned something. Not perfect, but at least something. The magic thing there was when i started to speak, i felt like i wanted to shout and shout something, some word i don't know. I wanted to cry, because i think God is calling me in the ministry of preaching, and i realized that i'm somehow good. But wait, that wasn't in my plan of study, my plan of study included chemistry, biology, and the likes. I don't know, i just felt an awkward feeling that i am doing something i am not worthy of? Anyway, who would listen to a drunk and a smoker? Hell, no one. I don't know why this is happening to me. I feel like i am in a rope in the middle, with 2 people pulling me at both ends. I never felt like smoking anymore. Why?! Is God changing me? I want, but i don't want it yet. I'm too young for that kind of stuff. I want to cry, because i think God is now threading a purpose in me amidst of the lesson learned from my dismissal in my school. I think God is pulling me to study Him not his body, His words and not the anatomy of His face, His actions and ways, and not the involuntary movements made by His brain. I am a Christian, christians and scientists contradict each other. Where will i go?